I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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