I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
