Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
