What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
