I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
