From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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