Farmville is her only friend.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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