I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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