i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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