Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize