omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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