The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
