i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
