Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
