Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
