Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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