I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
