I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize