dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
