When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
