I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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