I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
