Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
