eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
