I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Less talking, more tequila
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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