Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
