I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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