Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
