Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
