she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
