we have pet lesbian snakes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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