From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
