we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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