I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
