He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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