Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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