Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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