Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
