I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
