so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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