you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
