The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
