I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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