We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
