Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
