HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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