My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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