Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
