the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
