walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
