She said her name was "party"
I can text with my tongue
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
