and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
