Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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