I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
