I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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