walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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