Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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