mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
