i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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