oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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