we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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