I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
