4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
