i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
