I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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