drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
