I love black thongs
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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