I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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