You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
