There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
