So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
