so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
