so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
