So drunk its hurt
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize