wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
