He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
