Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
