There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
