So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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