I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
