Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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