I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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