that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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