problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
