apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
