dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
