see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
