I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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