i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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