I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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