omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
