I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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