I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize