I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
