All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
