drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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