Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
