if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
