I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
