it hurts more in the daytime
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize