Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
