I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
