Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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