your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize