He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
