remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
