drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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