Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize