i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
