when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize